Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
