I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
