It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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