dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
