At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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