i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
