Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
