he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Im part way to drunk.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
