This girl is more easily done than said...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
