That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
