Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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