My liver just broke up with me...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
