She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
