I'm really into asian looking animals
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
