Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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