You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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