So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize