new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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