we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
