Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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