I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
