So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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