Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
