I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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