So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
