Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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