i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
