It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
