so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
