I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My bed smells like the plague
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
