you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
