omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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