she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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