uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
