Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
