Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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