apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
