We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
