I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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