Your mouth is God's brothel.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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