jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
