Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
