Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
