It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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