he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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