speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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