The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
