We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Pappa wants mamma naked
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
