you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
