I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
