I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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