my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
