i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
