Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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