I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
