uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
did i just pee glitter
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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