So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
