Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
