You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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