the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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