the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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