dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
