we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we're making bets on your personal life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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