We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
