what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
