I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
