how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
